Message for Savvy Vegetarian

Hi, i am a 15 year old pescetarian.

I originally wanted to become a vegetarian after doing an animal cruelty project in my school. But when I told my parents, they were against it.

After a long argument, they only allowed me to be a pescetarian, because i was a “growing boy”.

My friends have mocked me for “discrimminating” against fishes, and this has made me feel guilty. Furthermore, I volunteer at a local animal shelter, and I have to fix the dogs a meaty meal every time I go there. This duty is very uncomfortable for me.

So I ask, is my pescetarian diet actually right for me? Because I have already gone too far to back out of it now, and so I do not know what to do.

The consequences of my decisions are that I am now a great deal shorter than many of the other boys in my class. is there any advice you can offer me when it comes to getting protein in a pescetarian diet?

Thank you so much for taking your time to read this letter! L. Wolfe

Savvy Vegetarian Advice

Hi L.

As far as protein, and nutrition in general is concerned,, you should eat a wide variety of veggies, fresh fruit, whole grains, beans & lentils, tofu, nuts & seeds, and being a growing boy, eat lots of all that so you get the vitamins and minerals you need. That’s in addition to fish, which has plenty of protein. I don’t know if you eat eggs and dairy, but if you do, continue for now.

Before you consider further dietary changes, read up on veg nutrition. I recommend the books, Becoming Vegan, or Becoming Vegetarian by Vesanto and Davis, long time veg dietitians. They have good info on teen veg nutrition. Vegan for Life, by Davis and Messina is another good one that was recently published.

Personally I feel that guilt doesn’t serve you well. It just makes you worry and obsess about your food, and that’s not good for anyone.

As far as I can see, you need to eat this way right now to keep your parents from worrying about nutritional deficiencies, and you are doing everything positive that you can with your diet in the circumstances.

As you grow older, you’ll have more choices. Right now is the time to prepare so when you are able to be 100% responsible for feeding yourself, you’ll know how to do it right.

Don’t pay any attention to your friends, who are just yanking your chain. And I’m sure the dogs are just happy to be eating regularly, and don’t care what. There’s not much you can do there so don’t take it on needlessly. If it makes you uncomfortable, you could leave, but that wouldn’t help the dogs, would it? And isn’t that the point of volunteering?

As far as being shorter than many other boys in your class, that may or may not have anything to do with your diet. It could just be that you have not yet hit your growth spurt. That’s a very individual thing. Some guys are full grown at 14 and some are still growing in college. And vegetarians can grow just as tall as anyone else – if they are well nourished.

Get blood tests to see if you have nutritional deficiencies like iron or Vitamin B12. and make improvements to your general nutrition, exchanging empty snack calories (e.g. pop, chips, candy) for nutrient dense calories (e.g. fruit, nuts, whole grains etc). and eating 3 squares a day. Don’t skip breakfast! The protein will take care of itself if your diet is healthy and you’re getting enough calories.

That’s about all the advice I can think of. And I’m sure it’s more than you bargained for! :-)

All the best, Judith Kingsbury

Question for Savvy Vegetarian:

I’m 14 years old and have officially been a vegetarian for a little over a year. My parents don’t really approve, because they think I will become sick from it, but they allow me to make my own choices. I haven’t gotten sick as a result of being a vegetarian, but I know several people who became very sick after only a few months, and I don’t want that to happen to me.

I usually cook for myself because everything my mom cooks has meat in it. Right now, my nutrition would probably be considered poor. I don’t eat a lot of fruit or vegetables. Most of what I eat comes from the grain and dairy food groups.

I’ve tried some vegetarian recipes, from a vegetarian cookbook, and they were very good. The problem was, I was the only one who would eat them, even though the recipe served more than one person, and the food would go to waste. My mom hates food waste, and I see her point. Do you know of any recipes that my whole family will like, and aren’t too difficult to cook?

Also, I’ve heard of foods that are imitation meat. Do these have a lot of nutrients in them? What brands are the best? – J.S.

Savvy Vegetarian Advice:

Hi J.S., There are lots of recipes that the whole family can eat, that just happen to be vegetarian. Some of them involve cheese, but there are also many non-dairy recipes that everybody likes too. I’ve noticed (over & over) that as long as it’s familiar and tasty, it doesn’t matter if it has meat in it or not – people will eat it.

A few ideas: calzones, quiche, chili, lasagna, burritos, quesadillas, veggie burgers. Have a look at Savvy Vegetarian’s Kid Friendly Recipes – many of those recipes are ones that everybody likes.

The problem with eating lots of dairy but not much fruit and vegetables (and whole grains & beans & lentils) is that you don’t get the vitamins and minerals your growing body desperately needs, and as you said, that can be serious. Here’s some suggestions to help you eat more:

1. Eat 2 – 4 pieces of fresh fruit a day – any kind – as snacks.
2. Make smoothies with fresh fruit (banana, blueberry, strawberry, mango, raspberry etc), almond or soy milk, orange juice, and if you like, additions like protein powder or ground chia seeds, green barley grass powder, yogurt and other interesting things.
3. Eat a salad every day, or some raw veggies and dip
4. Make salads involving rice or quinoa or noodles, and beans, a one-dish meal which will keep in the fridge for 2 – 3 days for you to eat whenever you’re hungry.
6. Eat beans – as in hummus, or chili or refried beans in burritos or quesadillas – beans are powerfully nutritious, low fat, low carb, full of protein, iron, B vitamins.
7. Try tofu and seitan (wheat gluten)

Imitation meats (like veggie sausage, hot dogs, burgers etc) are fine in moderation. Most are made with soy, so are high in protein, plus other things like artificial flavorings, fat, sodium, preservatives, msg and so on. You can buy TVP (textured vegetable protein) made from soy, soak it, and add it to stews, casseroles, sloppy joes, burgers, chili etc in place of meat. Seitan or extra firm tofu can also be used like that. I’m not so familiar with fake meats, so can’t tell you what brands to buy – also I don’t know what’s available in your area. Go exploring.

One way to get your veggies and avoid food waste at the same time is to make a pot of something like vegetarian chili or jamaican red bean stew (recipes your family might like), then freeze it in individual portions so you can have something to eat when you’re hungry. Same with whole grains, veggie burgers, baked tofu, hummus, etc. That way there’s less cooking and no waste.

A few more suggestions:  (are you sorry yet that you asked me for advice? :-)

1. Try making 1/2 or 1/4 of a recipe in case you’re the only one to eat it.
2. Take a multivitamin, which includes Vit B12, Omega 3s and Vit D, or eat foods that are enriched with those and other vitamins and minerals, like iron (extremely important for teenage girls)
3. Study up on vegetarian nutrition – I recommend the book ‘Becoming Vegetarian’ by Melina & Davis, but you could start with the Savvy Vegetarian Nutrition Report. See if you can get your Mom and Dad to read it too.

4. Check out our weekly menu plan for kid friendly meals as an example, to put the nutrition info in context

Hope this helps! Judith Kingsbury, Savvy Vegetarian

Message for Savvy Vegetarian: My stepdaughter is vegetarian in the most ignorant, stubborn teenager way.

I have no problem with her eating a sensible vegetarian diet with lentils, chickpeas, quinoa or whatever it takes to keep her energy levels high, maybe some leafy greens for folate, even supplements if needed. I have a lot of problem with her just skipping meat and eating almost nothing.

My partner is worried she is undernourished, too skinny, low in energy and has bad moods because of her diet. I think he is probably right but I don’t think the problem is being vegetarian. The problem is being ignorant.

My SD does not like to read or do research. I have bought her several vegetarian cook books and given her all mine (I like to sometimes eat vegetarian even if I am not commited to it and don’t want to be). I have printed and photocopied recipes for her, emailed her and her father recipes and all to no avail. 

She has anxiety disorder, control issues, hates me (I am her stepmother after all and she’s been through a lot) and can barely read so she is not able to process the information on her own and does not want to do it with me.

Her dad gets angry if I try to involve him. He does not want to learn about vegetarian diet or help her cook. He wants me to do it, but he is not willing to help. I think if I were to show him a bit of what I know my SD would be willing to learn too.

I loved your tips on vegetarians and non-vegetarians eating together. That’s pretty much how we got through Christmas (a roast made from cashews and macadamia nuts costs even more than turkey…but at least people liked it.) Whenever I cook I make sure there is some vegetarian food as well as meat.

I got my SD a slow cooker for her birthday. I thought it would be useful to her to throw things in it and come home to a decent dinner. I thought she would be reassured by having her own cooking pot that had never cooked meat. I researched many simple and more elaborate recipes she could do and put them in a folder for her (this was how I found Savvy Vegetarian). She has not used any of the recipes or tried out her pot (it’s been months) because her dad is really not on side.

This kid is surviving on packet pasta with the odd tin of beans or frozen veg and far too many chocolate bars and junk food. I get shouted down by both if I say anything. Apparently getting the facts straight is me “putting her off” the few foods she will eat.

I don’t know how to get them to come to Savvy Vegetarian and find some stuff out, but I think her psychiatrist recommended she see a dietician which is a good thing!!

Savvy Vegetarian Advice:

Hi S. R. Thanks for writing. It’s great that one of you knows something about vegetarian diet. It would be nice if the vegetarian and her Dad did too.

It’s hard when you live with a problem and can see the solution, but can’t convince anyone who needs convincing. And it’s sad but true that the more you push the less likely it is to happen, especially since your stepdaughter hates you, and your partner is a vegaphobe – and a guy!

At least her therapist has recommended a dietitian. That could help Dad become aware of the nutritional issues, and take more responsibility for her diet. A supplement which includes B12 and Vit D would be a great idea, if you could get him to buy it and her to take it.  A dietitian might have better luck.

I don’t know many parents who have succeeded in forcing their teens to eat properly. SHE has to want to, then it’ll happen, and YOU can’t make her get to that point. She’s made that clear by refusing to use the crockpot or cookbooks you’ve given her.

Many teens have worse diets and survive. She’ll grow up and figure things out, or not, but meanwhile, there’s no point in aggravating yourself or her.

My advice is to continue for now with what has worked for you – making delicious nutritious things that everyone will enjoy when you have the chance – and otherwise stay out of it. Don’t drop helpful hints, hand out reading assignments, nag, or lecture. Hard not to, I know, but do it for the sake of your relationship with your partner.

Maintain a calm, serene, pleasantly detached facade and keep your lip zipped. Generously offer to share your wonderful food, but don’t show that you’re offended when they don’t.

Try to stick with easy kid friendly recipes. I haven’t met anyone, veg or non-veg, who doesn’t like these easy recipes, and they’ll give her the calories and protein she needs: pasta tofu & veg, tofu burgers, or black bean quesadillas, hummus wraps, guacamole & corn chips, fruit salad, veggies & dip, or carrot salad.

She could make these simple vegetarian recipes  easily herself, if she wanted to, when you’re not around. But don’t mention that – let her make the first move. Leave one or two extra servings in the fridge or freezer for Dad to feed her – not too many; scarcity creates demand.

If they ask you about anything veg, say the minimum necessary, then drop the subject. They’ll come ’round – eventually. And you’ll be well on the way to sainthood!

All the best, Judith Kingsbury, Savvy Vegetarian

Message for Savvy Vegetarian:

Hello, I discovered this website researching about veganism, since I have recently decided to go vegan;  formerly being an ovo-lacto-vegetarian for about a year, when I was 16.  I’m now 17.

I have a huge problem, and wanted to ask for advice: When I told my mother of my meaning to not eat meat, she reacted very badly (which of course grieved me).  As weeks or months passed,  I suppose she grew accustomed,  for she stopped telling me stuff about meat was unhealthy and religious matters (my family and I are catholic), as well.

The point is that, now that I have decided to keep a strict vegetarian diet, my family is ignorant of this. So, I am very, very much scared of my mother’s reaction if I tell her, and I don’t really want to tell her, for the same reason. But I am feeling depressed, because I feel as if I’m deceiving my family and concealing such an important matter as this. I know their reaction will be awful.

I hope that you’ ll help me! I send my thanks beforehand. P. Z.

Savvy Vegetarian Advice:

Hi P. Z., What a miserable situation for you! Becoming vegan isn’t really the hard part. You can get a good book on vegan nutrition, ‘Becoming Vegan’ by Melina & Davis, and share the info with your mother. But hearing information and accepting it are two different things! She may not easily let go of her fears.

What is it exactly about your going vegan that would be so awful to your family? And why do you dread their reaction so much? Knowing the answers to those questions would take you a long way toward solving your problem.

It says a lot about your good heart and character that you don’t want to hurt your mother, and disrupt your family life. At the same time, I don’t think that you owe your family complete conformity to their world view at the expense of your own development.

It might be a good idea for you to meet with a counselor, maybe someone in your faith, to talk this through and help you figure out how to approach your family and gain their support or at least their co-operation, or mediate between you and your family. A neutral 3rd party can be extremely helpful in family conflicts – if everybody involved is willing to talk.

A possible compromise would be to delay going vegan until you leave home for university or work, and have more control over your life (including what you eat). I strongly recommend that you plan on taking that step - living on your own or with roommates for a while – and not jump straight into a relationship or other situation where you have the same problem.

These are just my opinions, and may be foreign to you, or don’t fit with your culture. But I hope this helps.

Remember, you’re not alone! Here are a few letters from people in similar situations:
14 Year Old New Vegetarian Has Parental Obstacles
Teen Vegan Suspected of Being Anorexic and Superior
Miss Vegetarian Asks for Help
Mom Is An Obstacle To Going Vegetarian

All the best, Judith Kingsbury, Savvy Vegetarian

Question for Savvy Vegetarian:

Hi, I’m 14 and I just turned vegetarian 3 months ago. I started feeling better and did not have the headaches I usually do. Anyway, when I asked my parents if I could be vegetarian they were all like, yeah go for it. I think that they thought I couldn’t do it.

So, after 2 months my parents started getting worried and saying that being a vegetarian was nonsense. I told them that I did feel better and that they shouldn’t worry because I did my research.

After a while they started slipping meat into my food and offering me chicken. I felt very hurt because they knew I was vegetarian. Then they started saying that I wouldn’t grow if I was vegetarian, and that I wouldn’t be as strong as the other kids. They also said I would be anemic and sickly.

I practically cooked for myself so I knew that I was getting proteins and everything but they didn’t get it. They even got their friends to try and talk me out of it. I felt criticized most of the time and hurt.

Now eating with my family is like a battle because my parents start blowing up at me and are not supportive. What should I do? Also, are the things they said about not growing true? Thanks! A.D.

Savvy Vegetarian Advice:

Hi A.D., Thanks for writing!

I consulted a well known vegan registered dietitian, about your questions, and she had some good suggestions. Her name is Virginia Messina, MPH, RD -here are links to her website & blog: vegnutrition.com and veggiedietitian

Virginia suggests that you ask your parents to make this bargain:
They (your parents) agree to find a good food nutrition guide for vegetarian teens that comes from a professional source and also to make sure the kitchen is stocked with nutritious meat substitutes. You (the teen) agree to follow the food guide without complaint and also to take a multivitamin/mineral supplement. You both agree not to criticize each other’s eating habits.

Virginia usually recommends the book “A Teen’s Guide to Going Vegetarian” (somewhat out of date, but the food guide is still okay) and also Carol Adam’s “Help! My Child Stopped Eating Meat.” which has a good nutrition section and food nutrition guide (she wrote them, so she hopes they are good!)

My suggestions:

It seems you feel that your parents are treating you badly. And clearly the tactics they’re using aren’t working! Part of the problem is that you’re eating differently from them, which means you’re questioning their values, which hurts them. And they’re just trying to be good parents and protect you from damaging your health with a vegetarian diet which they see as lacking in the proper nutrition for a growing 14 year old.

It’s true that teens going vegetarian can quickly develop malnutrition if they don’t get the nutrients they need – whether from lack of knowledge about nutrition, or from the right foods not being available.

It’s also true that a good vegetarian diet can supply all the nutrients you need for growth and health, without eating meat, chicken or fish. Opinions differ on this, but I think that it’s best to go vegetarian gradually, and not jump right in to a vegan diet – especially for teens who are still growing – to give yourself time to learn about vegetarian nutrition and cooking.

Talk to your parents, and see if you can work things out with them. Let them know that you have a sincere desire to be vegetarian, and aren’t just rebelling against them or trying to hurt them, that you want them to be able to accept your choice and feel satisfied that you’re getting the nutrients you need.

Then they’re more likely to be willing to get the books, read them with you, and help you to set up a good dietary plan. If that doesn’t work, you could use your own money to get the books, and then offer them to your parents to read, and ask them to help you plan your vegetarian diet.

Best wishes, Judith Kingsbury, Savvy Vegetarian

Medical Disclaimer: Any changes that you make to your diet, and the results of those changes, are your decision and responsibility. I do not claim to be a health care professional, dietitian, or nutritionist. Savvy Vegetarian does not treat, or recommend treatment, for any illness or health condition – Judith Kingsbury, Savvy Vegetarian