Vegetarian Advice: Veg Worried About Wedding Food

Question: I'm not sure anyone will remember that I am vegetarian - is there a polite way to say that I will eat earlier?

I am invited to a wedding in Mexico where I am certain the food will not be vegetarian. In addition, the night before the wedding I am invited to the grandmother of the bride's house for dinner. These are relatives of my stepmother's and I don't want to seem like I am imposing on them to make something special for me.

Is there a polite way to indicate that I will eat earlier and they don't need to make anything special for me?

I am not sure anyone will remember that I am vegetarian until the actual meal begins, I decline most of the foods, and I don't want anyone to feel embarrassed or that they have slighted me by forgetting.

I plan to eat before both occasions so as not to go hungry or have my stomach growling while saying that it's no problem that I am not eating. - K. R.

Savvy Vegetarian Advice:

Dear K. R.,

It's an honor to be invited to help celebrate a wedding. It's a very significant day of their lives for the bride and groom, and pretty important to their families too. So, you need to accomodate your hosts, in this case, not the other way around. It's one day of your life where one meal may not be so great (ok, maybe two), but you should avoid anything that could detract from the joyous occasion.

Hospitality is sacred in Mexico, and elsewhere - your hosts will be offended if you don't eat. So I'm sorry to say, there is no polite way to indicate that you will eat earlier and they don't need to make anything special for you.

I think that your hosts will likely be upset if you don't let them know that you're vegetarian so they can make something for you. Better to impose a little than to reject their hospitality! Perhaps you could sweetly ask your stepmother if she would be willing to diplomatically mention to the hostess before hand that a vegetarian will be there.

Yes, you could eat lightly before, but please don't tell them you've eaten. Don't eat so much that you can't eat something, especially if they do make something special for you.

If they do remember that you're vegetarian, and make something for you, of course eat it and praise it to the skies and thank them profusely, even if it's not quite as vegetarian as you would like! If they know you're vegetarian, and forget to make anything especially for you, it's because they're understandably distracted.

In either case, it would be best not to call attention to your vegetarian state. There are occasions when it's fine to say, "I can't eat that because I'm vegetarian", but believe me, this isn't one of them! Just take whatever food is offered, and eat what you can.

Have fun at the wedding! Judy Kingsbury, Savvy Vegetarian

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