Pregnant Vegetarian Has Mother In Law Troubles

Question for Savvy Vegetarian

I'm three months pregnant and I just got married. My husband and I are both 25 and were vegetarians when we met in college. I've been an ovo-lacto-vegetarian for six years, and I'm in good health. My mother-in-law lives near us, and we see her about once a week. She was always friendly with me, until my pregnancy. Now she nags me all the time about my vegetarian diet, telling me I have to eat meat, otherwise my baby will have brain damage, or low IQ, or be premature.

I know better, but I can't seem to get through to her, and my husband doesn't help, even though he's a vegetarian too. He says he doesn't want to argue with his Mom, but I wonder if he secretly agrees with her. I think he should support me, and tell her to leave me alone. What do you think? - A.O.

Savvy Veg Advice

Dear A.O.,

Whew! There are lot's of issues here! Let's take them one at a time:

You're right, your husband should support you. The two of you need to present a united front to his Mom, or anyone else, about anything that concerns you both, such as the child you've made together. By keeping silent, your husband is allowing his mother to drive a wedge between you.

At the same time, you need to stay on good terms with your M.I.L. After all, she did produce your wonderful husband. Having her as an ally would make your married life much more pleasant. If you have to settle for an unarmed truce, you wouldn't be the first, but go for the best outcome first.

We know your baby will thrive on your ovo-lacto vegetarian diet. But it's common for non-vegetarians to think that vegetarians are slowly starving to death. Your M.I.L. may have given up on her son and you but this is her grandchild we're talking about! In her mind, you don't have a right to harm this precious grand-baby.

You don't say what you've said or done to convince your mother-in-law that you know what you're doing. I suspect that being three months pregnant, perhaps tired, and emotionally sensitive, you haven't been able to stand up for yourself. But you're obviously upset, and that's not good for you and your baby.

Here's what I'd suggest:

Gather written, authoritative evidence on vegetarian pregnancy and nutrition, to read and discuss with your husband first, and then your M.I.L.

This excellent book has a chapter on vegetarian nutrition for pregnancy, lactation and vegetarian children: Becoming Vegetarian - The Complete Guide To Adopting A Healthy Vegetarian Diet, by Vesanto Melina, R.D., Brenda Davis, R.D., Victoria Harrison, R.D., Macmillan Canada 1994. It's available from Amazon.com.

Here's a book that I haven't read, but which sounds excellent, and affordable: Your Vegetarian Pregnancy, by Holly Roberts, mother, vegetarian and obstetrician. Find it on Amazon.com

Judy Kingsbury, Savvy Veg

Health Disclaimer:

Savvy Vegetarian provides education and support to individuals who want to become vegetarian, or improve their diet. We don't advocate any particular vegetarian diet. We don't claim to be health care professionals, or nutritionists, nor do we treat any illness. Any changes that you make to your diet, or results of those changes, are your decision and responsibility. For your protection, we ask you to be completely open with us about your health, and we may recommend a medical exam before changing your diet. We reserve the right to refuse or to end a client relationship if we believe the client's actions may endanger his or her health.

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