Vegetarian Worried About Food At Wedding

Question For Savvy Vegetarian

I am invited to a wedding in Mexico where I am certain the food will not be vegetarian. In addition, the night before the wedding I am invited to the grandmother of the bride's house for dinner. These are relatives of my stepmother's and I don't want to seem like I am imposing on them to make something special for me.

Is there a polite way to indicate that I will eat earlier and they don't need to make anything special for me? I am not sure anyone will remember that I am vegetarian until the actual meal begins, I decline most of the foods, and I don't want anyone to feel embarrassed or that they have slighted me by forgetting.

I plan to eat before both occassions so as not to go hungry or have my stomach growling while professing that it is no problem that I am not eating. - K. R.

Savvy Veg Advice:

Dear K.R.,

The main point I want to make is that this is not about you and your vegetarian diet. It's about the joyous occasion that you're honored to be invited to celebrate. You need to accomodate your hosts, in this case, not the other way around. It's one day of your life where one meal may not be so great (ok, maybe two), but a very significant day of their lives (we hope!) for the bride & groom, and pretty important to their families too. You should avoid anything that could be taken as the least bit negative.

Hospitality is sacred in Mexico, and your hosts will be offended if you don't eat. So I'm sorry to say, there is no polite way to indicate that you will eat earlier and they don't need to make anything special for you.

I think they will likely be upset if you don't let them know that you're vegetarian so they can make something for you. Better to impose a little than to reject their hospitality! Perhaps you could sweetly ask your stepmother if she would be willing to diplomatically mention to the hostess beforehand that a vegetarian will be there.

Yes, you could eat lightly before, but please don't tell them you've eaten. Don't eat so much that you can't eat something, especially if they do make something special for you.

If they do remember that you're vegetarian, and make something for you, of course eat lots of it and praise it to the skies and thank them profusely, even if it's not quite as vegetarian as you would like! If they know you're vegetarian, and forget to make anything especially for you, it's because they're understandably distracted.

In either case, it would be best not to call attention to your vegetarian state. There are occasions when it's fine to say, " I can't eat that because I'm vegetarian", but believe me, this isn't one of them! Just take whatever food is offered, and eat what you can. Fortunately, I believe, Mexican food is fairly veg-friendly.

Have fun at the wedding - dance your (um) feet off!

Judy Kingsbury, Savvy Vegetarian

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Savvy Vegetarian provides education and support to individuals who want to become vegetarian, or improve their diet. We don't advocate any particular vegetarian diet. We don't claim to be health care professionals, or nutritionists, nor do we treat any illness. Any changes that you make to your diet, or results of those changes, are your decision and responsibility. For your protection, we ask you to be completely open with us about your health, and we may recommend a medical exam before changing your diet. We reserve the right to refuse or to end a client relationship if we believe the client's actions may endanger his or her health.

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