Ask The Savvy Vegetarian: Pregnant Vegetarian Has M.I.L. Troubles

Savvy Vegetarian News

Vol. 1, Issue 5 September 2003

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Dear Savvy Vegetarian,

I'm three months pregnant and I just got married. My husband and I are both 25 and were vegetarians when we met in college. I've been an ovo-lacto-vegetarian for six years, and I'm in good health. My mother-in-law lives near us, and we see her about once a week. She was always friendly with me, until my pregnancy. Now she nags me all the time about my vegetarian diet, telling me I have to eat meat, otherwise my baby will have brain damage, or low IQ, or be premature. I know better, but I can't seem to get through to her, and my husband doesn't help, even though he's a vegetarian too. He says he doesn't want to argue with his Mom, but I wonder if he secretly agrees with her. I think he should support me, and tell her to leave me alone. What do you think?

Angie in Oregon

Dear Angie,

Whew! There are lot's of issues here! Let's take them one at a time:

You're right, your husband should support you. The two of you need to present a united front to his Mom, or anyone else, about anything that concerns you both, such as the child you've made together. By keeping silent, your husband is allowing his mother to drive a wedge between you.

At the same time, you need to stay on good terms with your M.I.L. After all, she did produce your wonderful husband. Having her as an ally would make your married life much more pleasant. If you have to settle for an unarmed truce, you wouldn't be the first, but go for the best outcome first.

We know your baby will thrive on your ovo-lacto vegetarian diet. But it's common for non-vegetarians to think that vegetarians are slowly starving to death. Your M.I.L. may have given up on her son and you but this is her grandchild we're talking about! In her mind, you don't have a right to harm this precious grand-baby.

You don't say what you've said or done to convince your mother-in-law that you know what you're doing. I suspect that being three months pregnant, perhaps tired, and emotionally sensitive, you haven't been able to stand up for yourself. But you're obviously upset, and that's not good for you and your baby.

Here's what I'd suggest:

Gather written, authoritative evidence on vegetarian pregnancy and nutrition, to read and discuss with your husband first, and then your M.I.L.

This excellent book has a chapter on vegetarian nutrition for pregnancy, lactation and vegetarian children: Becoming Vegetarian - The Complete Guide To Adopting A Healthy Vegetarian Diet, by Vesanto Melina, R.D., Brenda Davis, R.D., Victoria Harrison, R.D., Macmillan Canada 1994. It's available from Amazon.com

Here's a link to an editorial review for a book that I haven't read, but which sounds excellent, and affordable: Your Vegetarian Pregnancy, by Holly Roberts, mother, vegetarian and obstetrician: Amazon.com

And an article on pregnancy and nutrition from Center for Women's Health: Center For Women's Health.

From About.com, two pages on nutrition and pregnancy: About.com

Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine also has a few things to say about pregnancy and nutrition: PCRM

Check out the Article in this newletter on vegetarian pregnancy, also the Review on The Childbearing Year, by Susun Weed, a wonderful herbal primer for pregancy and lactation.

All of this material will make you much more knowledgable and confident about being a pregnant vegetarian, and better able to cope with nay-sayers, such as doctors, your M.I.L., and half the people you meet.

Invite your M.I.L. for lunch or supper, and make a vegetarian meal she can enjoy. Lasagna is always a good bet. Your husband will want to be there, of course, and prepared to support you. After you eat, and are relaxing, let her know that you respect her feelings, and tell her how it affects you when she attacks your vegetarian diet. Let her know that you'd like better understanding and communication between you, and would love to have her help and support.

Offer the information you've gathered and ask her to look it over. Tell her that you or your husband would be happy to answer questions or discuss any points about the material. This will put the ball in her court - before she brings up the subject again, she will need to have done some reading, or you can say, "Have you had a chance to look at any of the information I gave you? No? Well, let's talk about it when you've had a chance to do that."

Please let me know how things work out for you with your M.I.L.
Have a blissful pregnancy, and a beautiful baby.

Newsletter Index:

Article: You Can Be Happy, Healthy And Vegetarian While Pregnant Or Breastfeeding

"Your friends, family, and doctor will often doubt the nutritional adequacy of your vegetarian diet now that you are pregnant. You yourself may wonder whether you should add meat to your diet."

Review: Book: The Childbearing Year, by Susun Weed

"I'm a huge fan of Susun Weed, for her passion and devotion to women's health and well being, through the knowledge and practice of herbology. Her books are a Godsend."

Recipe: Butternut Squash in Coconut Milk With Tofu and Toasted Almonds

Here's a quick and easy recipe; tasty, filling and nourishing; won't upset baby's tummy; a tonic and milk-builder for Mom.

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"I'm three months pregnant, and my Mother-In-Law nags me all the time about my vegetarian diet---"

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